I'M NOT PUSHING FOR MARRIAGE | 5 REASONS
I'm at that age where engagements, weddings and starting families are the norm. It's kind of something you expect out of a couple whose been dating for a reasonable amount of time. Am I right?
I think all of those things are great! They make me happy and smile when I see those Facebook statuses and Instagram pictures. Now don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't want all those things, I just don't want it right now.
Before you judge me and say I have a commitment issue or whatever, I have been in a happy and loving relationship with my boyfriend for 12 years now. If that doesn't say commitment, then I must say we are also financially bound as we bought a home together. We're basically married without being married. And I like it.
I personally never wanted to get married. It wasn't until our 9 year anniversary where the idea of marriage was a possibility. I always told myself that, I can and will fully commit to my partner as if we were married. Because why should it be any different? Yes, some people date and it's all fun and games until you realize this is the person you want to be with for the rest of your life or not, then things change.
I guess it started with not seeing a successful marriage. My parents divorced when I was 2. I don't even remember them together. I knew what a strong independent woman looked like, who didn't need a man to get through life. So that's how I lived. I didn't despise men, I just decided a long time ago that marriage was useless.
What changed my mind on our 9 year anniversary? I have no idea. My boyfriend never pushed marriage on me. I don't think we really even talked about it. But he did know I wasn't up for it, even though he was. I guess I was worth the risk of possibly wasting years of being in a possible dead end relationship.
I'm glad I was & sO WAS HE.
marriage: (noun) the legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship
People ask me all the time, "when are you getting married?", "where's the ring?", "why hasn't he asked?", "why am I not giving him a deadline?". Honestly, sometimes I entertain the question(s). Sometimes I even get pulled into it. I become that type of girl that talks all engagement crazy and timeline crazy. But, at the end of the day, I'm not that type of girl. Actually, for a few years, I was even telling my boyfriend to not propose to me this or that year. I simply wasn't ready. And that's OK! I don't need to follow what the majority of my friends are doing. Some people were made for marriage and kids. I, simply am not. It's a work in progress.
Other than combining my life with someone else, the relationship being recognized by law and or religion and legality stuff, I am completely happy with being in a committed relationship.
5 reasons why I'm not pushing for marriage:
Financially stableIt's no secret that money plays a part in marital problems. And I know money comes and goes, so we'll have our good years and bad. But why not be financially ready? Why not get as much debt out of the way before we combine our lives? Why not make as much money and save as much before kids come along? Why not spend it on our selfish desires before (again) kids come along? I want to be so financially stable that not having enough or not having any ever comes to question. I want to give our future kids a better life than ours. Marriage isn't a game, so why gamble it?
travelI want to travel with my boyfriend; as a couple, making memories together. I want to be selfish with him, only thinking about what we want, how adventurous or relax we want to be in another country. It's OK to be selfish!
purchase a home
We can check this one off the list! This was a priority on our list of "before we get married". It was very important to us that we purchase a home before anything else. We were already committed, so if he was going to purchase a sizable engagement ring for $$$ or we spend $$$ on our dream wedding, I would have rather made sure our hard earned money first went towards an investment that we can pass along to our future kids. I also simply wanted to have our home.
ACHIEVE PERSONAL GOALSThis pretty much speaks for itself. I want to be the best version of myself and the happiest version of myself before I marry the love of my life. Now, that's not the only goal I have, the others are kept secret to myself. When I achieve them, then you'll know :) Now I know I most likely won't achieve all of them by the time we get married, but there is a couple that I'm working towards.
being on the same pageThe topic of marriage is no secret in mine and my boyfriend's relationship. We do talk about it- how our dream wedding is going to be like, possibly when, we've even started the invitation list. But before we rush in to the biggest, most happiest day of our lives, we wanted to make sure we were on the same page in life. Even though by law we are not one, we are still one. We have been making decisions together as a couple that have shaped our lives to how it is today since basically the beginning of our relationship. We made the decision to get everything (all points above and more) out of the way so we can focus on being married.
I know some married couples are going to judge me- that it's still going to take work being married even if we check off all those points. I'm not striving for easy. I'm striving for living life with the love of my life. I don't want us to have regrets in our personal lives. I've never experienced a successful marriage, so for the first time I get married, I want it to be my one and only with my one and only.
Every relationship is different, we've just never been the type of couple whose end goal after X years was to get married. I'm actually thankful for that and I think my boyfriend is too.
If he were to have proposed to me around our 10 year (many of our friends were making it a big deal that it might happen), I can positively say that I would not have been ready to be engaged let alone marriage. Things are different now, so when the time comes... it'll be just perfect! :)
What is your take on marriage? What is your take on a long relationship? I would love to know what other perspectives are out there on getting or being married versus being in a long term relationship or vice versa.